Dealing with me...

I'm loving XXVI

2012-02-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

It is an up and down, here and there, birthdays celebrations and even black clouds kind of week, but I am loving this week! It is my week!

I am linking up with Jamie from the blog This Kind of Love and here it goes, What I'm Loving Wednesday...

I'm loving my birthday! It is today! XXVI :)

I'm loving my dads bday! Yesterday!

I'm loving my family who indulge me in my multiple bday celebrations and all craziness when it comes to Feb 22!

I'm loving my friends who lo ve me even as crazy as I am!

I'm loving the multiple bday celebrations! It is only once that I get to XXVI

I'm loving life with its ups and downs!

I'm loving the beautiful sunshine today!

I'm loving!

Week please change

2012-02-19T15:19:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday!!!
Sweet Tuesday.
Weird Wednesday...
Sometimes I lo ve Wed nes dayssssss,
Relax on Thursday.
I definitely didn't fill in the Friday...
Non-sleep Saturday,
And I cried Sunday.

That has been my week, but tomorrow a new one begins...

How do you deal?

2012-02-01T19:05:00.000-08:00

How do you deal with loss? sorrow? pain?
How do you deal with yourself?

How do you explain others what you feel? What hurts? When everything hurts, thinking, feeling, everything.
How do you explain that it is not their fault? But it still hurts.

How can you feel the loss of a life you had when you are in a new life filled with lo ve ?

Why does it hurt? Why do you feel a hole when there is so much to fill it?
Why does it have to hurt? Why can't you just accept?

Why does it feel like I don't belong here? Why does it feel I don't belong in this time?

Why is there only pain where there was only happiness?

How do you deal? How do I deal?

Far away

2012-01-28T22:07:00.000-08:00

I have been out of this part of my world for a little bit. Why? I could say because I am busy but knowing me, I could argue that is an excuse.

So really I have been out because I might be afraid of how I feel and what I feel. I am super stressed out and hurting, physically hurting. All due to this job hunting and new life coping situation... At least that is what I think.

I am back because I need to talk to someone about how I feel, and I don't really want to drop this on anybody. So post it here on my free space, free for words, and free of judgment.

The thing is I can't complain, not about my life and not about my surroundings, but I am past way stressed and this needs to change because this is not healthy at all and I am not getting any younger.

Let's breath together... One... Two... and Three...

From the other side of the world a day behind!

2011-12-16T14:31:00.000-08:00

It is a day call Shishi, on the other side of my world!!

Israel you've been amazing!!

1. My most favorite "little thing" is feeling good, no matter if it is happiness or sadness, but feeling great with myself .

2. I give anything to sleep on my own bed, shower on my bathroom and have my closet available to me .

3. I can't believe we judge so much other people and other countries .

4. The one thing I'd like to achieve today is get some good rest! .

5. The last thing I want to do today is watch long movies .

6. If I were writing my own blank today, it would say: Lsat itme I darkn was......! .

7. My favorite candle scent is Almond! I don't recall ever smelling one, but lately if it is not eggplant it is almond! :) .

Ce qui J'aime Mercredi!

2011-12-07T07:35:00.001-08:00

It is the middle of the working week, the begging of my adventure and the end of something else.... :)

I am linking up with Jamie from the blog This Kind of Love and here it goes, What I'm Loving Wednesday...

I'm loving the begging of my adventure!

I'm loving my blessed family!

I'm loving the light packing, only one bag and that is sooooo light for me!

I'm loving getting to know strangers!

I'm loving having amazing "California" friends!

I'm loving blogging and linking, and wishing and hoping! :)

I'm loving and that is the beauty of it I'm loving

Game Over!!!

2011-11-25T15:57:00.001-08:00

I lost the game. I realize that now. All the cards were played and I lost. I am not sure if you won or we just both lost. Maybe it was a no-win situation, or maybe... maybe. But it is done, it was done long ago and it is still done now.

So why am I writing about it again? Why do I keep thinking of and about you? Why do I keep remembering?

I realized it today. I fell for you. I fell in lo ve with you.

And falling out of lo ve from you; well that is the difficult part. I knew I liked you a lot, but I just recognized it, I fell in lo ve with you.

How can falling in lo ve translate to losing? to game over?

It was worth it, this is not about regretting falling for you. But it is about how I feel broken now, like a part of me is missing and I wonder if I'll ever lo ve again, will I ever be loved again? That is for me a game over, a lost game.

I mi ss yo U in my life. I mi ss walking the streets with you, laughing about Vodka, Giggles and Shy boy, about random coffee names and about our camping adventures. It aches every time I tell a story about us, because I have to disguise my feelings and our relationship. You became a friend and in stead of being funny it hurts. Daydreaming, night-dreaming and movie-dreaming is pain, pure pain.

It is not like it used to be, that everything I am reminds me of you. No, it hurts different. Because I ache for what it was, what it isn't and what it will never become.

Your friend, who became my friend said to me when talking about our broken path:

"its okay though
i think its honestly his lose
you will always find better."
I know or I hope there is truth in his words and it helped eased the pain, but still there was no winner and the game is over...

Mexican Thanksgiving Friday!

2011-11-25T15:23:00.001-08:00

This is my first Thanksgiving in Mexico, and I am really excited for all the food we cooked, it all tastes delicious. I know we are a day off, but it doesn't really matter, I am happy we get to eat this amazing food! :)

Here is the Friday linking up with Lauren from the little things we do

1. Waking up at the break of dawn to go shopping is my idea of a dream, hearing black friday stories is enough for me! .

2. If I were to go shopping today I would be on the hunt for I don't really have anything in mind, but I could always buy more camera equipment or shoes :) .

3. The best thing I ate yesterday was since I am back in Mexico, and my family doesn't really have the Thanksgiving tradition, I convinced them to have one for our Friday dinners, so I am really excited, everything is ready and it tastes delicious! .

4. Something I've been learning lately is who to trust and how much trust can you put on them .

5. I cannot start my day without showering, it takes me time to really wake up! haha, I have a slow start, I can do a lot of thing in the morning, but most likely I will be half asleep! .

6. My nighttime attire consists of tank top, long pants and sweater! .

7. I am looking forward to traveling, but not packing! hahaha .

I am loving this Wednesday!

2011-11-23T18:54:00.001-08:00

So this Wednesday I've been hit with a terrible anxiety, and I don't really know why, or maybe I do but my consciousness doesn't want to deal with it right now... So let's get distracted!!!

I am linking up with Jamie from the blog This Kind of Love and here it goes, What I'm Loving Wednesday...

I'm loving this Twitter thing, when you ask actual information, like traffic, and seconds later someone there has the answer!!!

I'm loving being able to watch tv series online, although I hate that I see them faster than they appear!

I'm loving writing more often on my blog! It helps me get things out of my chest.

I'm loving this City Girl life I have now!

:)

and you what are you loving?

Mexican Friday!

2011-11-18T11:23:00.001-08:00

This is the second Friday back in Mexico and the settling in has been good but tough.
Life is though but sometimes we have more challenges than other times.

Here is the Friday linking up with Lauren from the little things we do

1. A nervous habit I have is to crack my fingers. horrible habit, and I have been able to stop it for a while, but when hell runs lose it comes back.

2. Something that makes me sad is the pain in the world. I know it sound generic and common, but it is something that keeps me looking for ways to help. Starting on my own backyard.

3. Today I am thankful for the support from my family and friends to settle in and to be comfortable and happy. I know I've said it a million times, but without it nothing would have been possible.

4. My favorite room in my house is it used to be my studio but since it is being remodeled now my room is the favorite one, it is the one I spend more time in, all my stuff and desk and everything is here!

5. I can't stand part of my extended family. I am sorry I wished it was different but if you give no love you can't receive anything from me.

6. If I had an extra $100 to spend on whatever I wanted today I would my first thought was save it for my next trip, but knowing me I would probably would go and buy shoes! ;)

7. The last person I hung out with was my sister and brother in law, we went to see (yes, guilty) the new twilight movie, which was a disappointment but I lo ve going with them!

Have an amazing extended Mexican weekend! or a regular weekend on the rest of the world!

This is fun and you should try it too!

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-11-16T16:53:00.001-08:00

Since I discovered this link up activity I have tried to be constant and search for different ones, and as often say there is no try either you do or you don't. (I would attribute it, but I am not sure where I got it from, I've heard from Yoda, but haven't watched the movies...)...
Anyway I discovered this one a while back but I kept going to it every day except Wednesdays, so it was difficult to be part of it.... BUT finally it is Wednesday and I am here and here it goes.

I am linking up with Jamie from the blog This Kind of Love and here it goes, What I'm Loving Wednesday...

I'm loving that tomorrow I have an amazing opportunity to photograph one of the Mexican congressman at the Congress.

I'm loving the extraordinary support from my family and friends to settle in this Old New City for me!

I'm loving my new wardrobe because I get to be the City Girl I've always wanted to be!

I'm loving the WhatsApp because it keeps me in immediate touch with my friends around the world. Whom I mi ss mu ch ..

I'm loving all this linking up experiences!

and I'm loving the happy days!

I did not miss high school

2011-11-09T00:27:00.000-08:00

I don't miss high school. I was happy when I was there but I was happier when it ended and I moved on to University.

I was done with high school then as I am now.

I still keep 2 good friends and some good acquaintances; because of that I have to go to parties and reunions that I would rather avoid, because I don't want to go back in time to that time, or bring that time now.

Unlike most of them I searched for my world outside those 4 walls, and those were not the happiest of my life. I was happy and I accomplished everything I wanted, but that was it and I rather be here now.

Because of who I am and how I am, I was kind of an outsider, part but not really part of them. And I don't belong there now either.

It is interesting falling in a place that you rather not be in, or better if it was different.

I respect the people whose friends are from high school, but I am not one of them. I have 2 friends from that stage of my life, and going with them places means being with their high school circle of friends, people that were not my friends and not my acquaintances, so it feels like being in high school and I don't like that feeling.

I haven't missed high school for a second in my life.

Will we forget?

2011-10-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

Our bodies have memories.

Your hands remember the touch of my body, my hands remember your face. Yours lips can trace mine in that everlasting kiss.

I don't want to let go. I rather live in this moment where you are here, holding me, kissing me, making me feel loved. The moment I have been dreaming off since the last day I saw you, what seems like a hundred weeks ago.

I know it can't last forever and I know I won't see you again, but for now I want to hold on to this moment and not let go. Not ever and not now.

Our bodies have memories. So come back.

Kiss me like you do, hold me like you never want to let me go. Hold me with your strong hands. Trace me with your lips.

I want to talk to you and I want to kiss you. I want to walk the street by your side, holding you like you are mine. Like once we did, because we belonged to each other and everybody had to see.

Just a thought

2011-10-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

Silence is for cowards...

Cali Friday

2011-10-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

This is my first Friday back in Cali, and I have to say I mi ss a bit of NY. But soooon I'll be off so let's make the best out of this beautiful hot week!!!

I'm linking up with the little things we do

1. The most selfless thing I've ever done was I'll probably have to say that when I help someone, anyone at all I do it selflessly, I like helping people for the sake of seeing them accomplish or solve their problems .

2. When it comes to working out I lo ve martial arts and dancing, sometimes also yoga, but I hate treadmills! .

3. A woman should always Be happy! with herself and not look for approval in others, we are strong and beautiful as we are .

4. I wish I could have an editor to rely on for my documentaries! it would make everything easier .

5. A best friend is one that you could talk about everything, that you can argue with, that you can have fun, that you can be in silence with, one that ones when to hug you and when to not literally but that knows when to slap you .

6. I can't get enough of lo ve and hugs from people .

7. This weekend I am going to edit and enjoy time with friends before my oversees adventures! .

It is Friday, wish it was Monday

2011-10-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

Well well well let's fill the blanks of this beautiful Friday!

I'm linking up with the little things we do

1. Something popular that I can't stand/just don't "get" is aliens, unless they come into my life I am not worried or really concerned about them or their existence .

2. Something unpopular that I secretly love is .

3. When I've had a bad day I hang out with the people that make me smile and laugh, until we washed the day away .

4. I'd prefer sushi to pizza any day.

5. Something that makes me nervous is the next couple of months of moving out of NY and then out of California .

6. Something worth fighting for is happiness and peace of mind and spirit .

7. When people think of me, I hope they think she is amazing, loving and caring, I want her to be part of my life .

Rainy Friday

2011-09-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

So I am new at this, it sounds fun, and with all the pain and anger I've been sharing, I thought I should change the mood for a bit if I can hold it.

It goes something like, I'm linking up with the little things we do and it is something of fill in the blank friday

1. The best thing I did all week was Going for the first time ever to the Yankee Stadium.

2. Relaxing days make me super happy.

3. Pets are such a California reminder .

4. Family is the best thing about my life.

5. With the cooler weather I am looking forward to wearing scarves and coats .

6. Something that's on my "wish list" right now is shoes! beautiful new season heels! .

7. This weekend I am going to go to a museum, meet family and smile .

Have an amazing weekend!

A letter to my pain...

2011-09-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

This is nota goodbye letter.

This is notthe end of our time together. Because it ended time ago.

This isnothing more than me closing the door.

For so longI have been thinking about our time and everything, and now is time for me tolet go, of you, of me, of us.

Because Inever got the chance to say this face to face, now I've been cornered to writeit down and publish it here, until a hysterical or drunk moment drives me tosend it to you.

In themeantime I'll get it off my chest.

September 2011

You keptsaying how you didn't want to push me away and how much you liked me. But afterall you pushed me away, so far away that there was no way back.

I understandit is out of pain and panic that you didn't let me in, but on the longer run ifyou don't let anybody near then you'll suffer more.

I know youare distrustful and you've been hurt, but not everybody is going to hurt you,not purposely at least.

And as I'vetold you before pain is part of life, to care for someone is to let the goodwith the bad. And yeah caring for someone and loving someone will bring timesof happiness but there will be some others than won't be; but it is all worthit, the good times are worth the not so good ones.

Probably thetime wasn't right for us, although we could have made it work if we wanted to.To let people in you have to make space for them, and that doesn't mean leavingeverything for them, but arrange time to have with each other. Even if it meansnothing more than doing work together. But make space for her in your life.

You are anamazing guy, my shy boy, believe it and let someone near don't drive peopleaway.

I care for you and I hope you findwhat you want in life and you conquer it.

UPDATE:
I sent it, and not under alcohol or hysteria but after a long thought process and various talks with friends, so I rewrite it and this is it:

September 2011

Pain is inevitable it is part of life.

You taught me things about life and about me, and thatmakes it worth it. Knowing you and having you be part of my life made that painworth it. And I would not have changed it or want it any different, because Ilearned from you and from us.

We talked constantly that people come into your life for areason and they don’t always stay forever. So our time run out, but I don’tregret , I gave it all and I learned from it, yes I got hurt but as I’ve saidit is part of life. To care for someone is to let the good with the bad. Andyeah caring for someone and loving someone will bring times of happiness butthere will be some others than won't be; but it is all worth it, the good timesare worth the not so good ones.

But I hope that you learned from it too, and if there weresomething I would want you to keep is that you shouldn’t push people away fromyou. I am not saying let everybody in and let them hurt you, it is not aboutthat, but you shouldn’t let everybody out. You shouldn’t distrust everyone.

I understand it is out of pain and panic that you didn'tlet me in, but not everybody is going to hurt you, not purposely at least. And youhave to make space in your life for them.

You kept saying how you didn't want to push me away andhow much you liked me. But in the end that is what you did.

You are an amazing guy, my shy boy, believe it and letsomeone near don't drive everybody away.

I care for you and I hope you find what you want in lifeand you conquer it.

I'll work on it

2011-09-19T15:14:00.000-07:00

So we've been working on editing photos and uploading to the blog and all sorts of things we should do while we are on a school trip in NY. Yes, yes, yes, whatever, that is right, but as photographers we do it. That and the fact that pictures and blogs have nothing to do with homework, because I am shooting a documentary. So practically and technically I am not doing homework, but don't tell my teacher, or do so if you like. Yes, I have lost my mind, and the fact that we have really slow internet even at Starbucks, doesn't make this any easier.

But on to what I was really intending to write about:

I was having a small fight with Purple Verry, because we weren't understanding each other that well, we didn't solve the problem but we moved on with other solutions. And while this heated up discussion was happening an old lady from the 3rd age was walking back, with a disapproval face, and probably thinking "that is why I don't use computers". Which made me wonder if she was referring to the Verry or to me, because if it is about the Verry I find it very very offensive, what did she ever do to her? and also well, you can only ask so much out of everything. And if she was referring to my madness, I also find that a bit aggressive and and not understanding, because I should, when I find the correct reasons I'll let you know, in the mid-time I'll stop writing non-sense and go back to "work".

Silence, only silence

2011-09-07T23:39:00.001-07:00

Everything I am reminds me of you. My laugh, my jokes, my ice-cream-bars passion, my sarcasm, my complaining, my past, my future, my everything and everything...

You are in my mind, in my heart, in my thoughts, in my dreams. You are all the way around and all the way inside.

How do I forget? When will I forget? About us, about you and about everything else.

It hurts, so much and so deep. I wouldn't have imagined this much pain.

My heart aches for you, my whole body trembles.

There is only silence around me, and it is coming from you.

I forgot I don't belong to you and that you never belonged to me...

I forgot, and now there is silence, only silence

Midnight with Woody

2011-07-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

Midnight in Paris by Woody Allen

¡Me encanta! ¡Me encanta! ¡Me encanta!
Es un humor completamente Woody.
Lo más interesante es que pareciera que Woody encontró sucesor para él dentro de su películas. Owen Wilson parece con su manera torpe de comportarse, su papel de escritor "amateur" (por no encontrar una mejor manera de describirlo) e ingenuidad astuta, protagonizar un papel con características típicas de los roles comúnmente protagonizados por Allen. Woody siempre será Woody, pero parece ser una nueva etapa en la que alguien más protagoniza su papel.

Y aquí los dejo con una charla de café con Ernest Hemingway,

"All men fear death. It's a natural fear that consumes us all. We fear death because we feel that we haven't loved well enough or loved at all, which ultimately are one and the same. However, when you make love with a truly great woman, one that deserves the utmost respect in this world and one that makes you feel truly powerful, that fear of death completely disappears. Because when you are sharing your body and heart with a great woman the world fades away. You two are the only ones in the entire universe. You conquer what most lesser men have never conquered before, you have conquered a great woman's heart, the most vulnerable thing she can offer to another. Death no longer lingers in the mind. Fear no longer clouds your heart. Only passion for living, and for loving, become your sole reality. This is no easy task for it takes insurmountable courage. But remember this, for that moment when you are making love with a woman of true greatness you will feel immortal."

Completamente enamorada es tiempo de caminar las calles de la ciudad...

Read around

2011-06-30T17:50:00.000-07:00

"...
But reading isn’t what she really wants. Not deep down. What she really wants is for someone – anyone at all – to tap her on the shoulder and invite her into their world. To ask her questions and tell her stories. To be interested. To laugh with her. To want her to be a part of their life.

But it isn’t even this connection with someone new that she wants most. At least not at the deepest level. At the deepest level, in the core of her soul, even fleeting connections with others seem to interfere with what she desires most. Which is to know that she’s truly loved. That she’s not alone in this world. And that whatever she was put here to do, in time, will be done and shared with others who care.
..."

This is nor the beginning or the end of this story Where We Must Go When We Feel Lost and Alone.
But it is a story worth reading. I identify a little with it, and it makes me smile and feel sad at the same time, because I understand, I feel it, but I can sometimes overcome it.

There is also one of the comments that hits the point so accurately, and the question remains: how unsustainable are our lives?

Relations

2011-06-29T18:56:00.000-07:00

This is an older post, but in a sense I am still thinking about the basic questions, the first paragraph still applies.

March 15, 2011,
Do we date to find the perfect relationship or the a relationship evolves into the perfect everlasting relationship?
I mean you start dating someone, someone you like, whose company you enjoy, where there is chemistry, and all you are thinking is this is the man of my life or this is the man for me right now? are we always into looking for the man of our dreams or are we enjoying the man of our time? Mr right or Mr right now?

I don't know if I am explaining myself or just rambling, but this guy I am seeing now, I am having such a fun time, we enjoy each others company, we like talking to each other, we hang out, and so on, and today he asked me what was I looking to get from this, and all I could answer was to see where this goes, there is no finish line, I am not expecting anything but rather enjoying the ride. So it got me thinking...

June 29, 2011
So what has changed? I am now dating a guy that is not asking me this, a different guy that makes me happy and makes me glow, that is not asking me to tell him what I expect or where I am going, rather letting this flow, and letting me know that this may be or it may not be, but now it is. It is and we are happy. Right now we are for each other. :)

City girl goes camping

2011-05-30T11:10:00.000-07:00

Camping, such a fun experience after all.
I hadn't been camping ever, not even in my backyard, I kind of always wanted but never had the guts to do it, go to a place without bed and sometimes without bathrooms, whaaaaat? noooooo! jajaja
So I decided to take a Nature class, in which they go camping. It is not a joke at all, but of course it is funny. Me camping? me with nature?
So the first step was taken, but there were many challenges. I had to take photos while hanging with critters, in which I conquer my fear of snakes and hold and anaconda and a python, soooooo coooool!I had to appreciate nature, I got lost while hiking by myself. Got near bear and spiders. And so the time for camping came near, and I was freaking out, I asked for help, and got many advices. But of course I didn't feel ready and I was thinking about baking up, but I was still dragged to camping.
And sooooo:
I helped build the tent I went on hikes, I meditated by the river, slept on a sleeping bag, battled food-stealing-squirrels-and-birds, saw spiders and photographed banana slugs. Cooked by the fire, and made s'mores. I didn't showered, and my hair was a mess. I didn't bring sundresses, make-up or high heels.
It was a great experience and I had so much fun, and yes at the beginning I kind of wanted to go back home, but at the end I lo ve d it, and I am looking forward to the 5 day camping trip. (this was 3 days 2 nights)
So now I can scratch that from my to-do list! and be happy!

ready or not, here we goooo!

2011-05-25T01:15:00.000-07:00

The question is not whether camping is ready for me, but am I ready for camping???

City Girl vs. Camping Universe

יזכור יום השואה

2011-05-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

"The Butterfly"

The last, the very last,
So richly, brightly, dazzlingly yellow.
Perhaps if the sun's tears would sing
against a white stone. . . .

Such, such a yellow
Is carried lightly 'way up high.
It went away I'm sure because it wished to
kiss the world good-bye.

For seven weeks I've lived in here,
Penned up inside this ghetto.
But I have found what I love here.
The dandelions call to me
And the white chestnut branches in the court.
Only I never saw another butterfly.

That butterfly was the last one.
Butterflies don't live in here,
in the ghetto.

-by Pavel Friedman

Pavel Friedman was born on January 7, 1921, in Prague and deported to Terezin on April 26, 1942. He died in Auschwitz on September 29, 1944.

Un continuo re-escribir y escribir sobre eso

2011-03-11T16:37:00.000-08:00

Somos similares, somos tan distintos. Quizás somos el uno para el otro, quizás jamás embonaremos juntos.
Sabemos mucho el uno del otro y a la vez sabemos tan poco.

Am I experimenting or experiencing?

Close my eyes and jump!!!

"Some love stories aren't epic novels, some are short stories. But, that doesn't make them any less filled with love."
Carrie Bradshaw

I like him

"Vamos perdiendole el miedo, a lo que pase entre los dos."
Mijares

¿Se repite la historia o yo soy paranoica?

Más y más y más

2011-03-10T12:31:00.000-08:00

Hace mucho que no escribo, pero no literal, sino en este blog, pero he seguido escribiendo y photographiando, pero ahora divido mi tiempo entre tres espacios y más, así que aquí están, para que vean y lean, para que sean parte de...

http://violetapalombo.blogspot.com/

http://porunmundosinquejas.blogspot.com/

Así que vean y lean y dejenme saber!

Deepest fear

2011-01-27T15:49:00.001-08:00

So one of my deepest fears just came to life. And all I could think of is that I was being paranoid and that it wasn't real. There was rational thinking but I felt paranoid.
The other day after boiling water something in the stove turn off, and so there was a leak of gas. At first I didn't know that it was leaking, but at night that I came back there was a slight smell of gas, and I thought maybe it was just my imagination after my mom commented on the phone something about gas. And I cooked some stuff on the half that could still light up, so I thought it was me, just plain on paranoid. Then I was going to go to sleep, but kept coming back to smell the stove, and I swear I could smell the gas. So I opened all the windows in the small apartment because apparently gas leak is one of my deepest fear, and it is not something that comes out often, but since I moved here, it's been in my head. So I didn't get any sleep all night, and then I was upset all morning. And I didnt know if it was me and being paranoid or if it did smell like it. So after class a friend of mine came to my house to make sure I wasn't being paranoid, and she confirmed my suspicions: there was a gas leak. While freaking out, my landlord got home and save the day. He explain about the pilot and how to fix this problem.
So I learned a lot that day:
1. How to fix the pilot on my stove.
2. Trust my senses.
3. Seek help (ex. gas people, or info.... at the least call mom!)
4. TRUST MY SENSES
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
javascript:void(0)
So I survived and learned, cool uh???

So how come I had no idea one of my deepest fears was gas leak?
because it is deepest? haha. yes. no.
When you are afraid of spiders and you see spiders often, it is really easy to realize you are afraid of them. But thankfully gas doesn't leak often, so it is not easy to find out you are afraid of gas leaking....

So safe and sound, I write this, days later from the storm...

Sin planes...

2010-12-03T02:19:00.001-08:00

Siempre me ha molestado el tipo de preguntas como ¿A qué te quieres dedicar? ¿Cómo te ves en 1, 2, 5, 10 años? ¿Qué es lo que quieres hacer? etc, etc, etc.
Y es sencillamente porque no tengo la menor idea.
Tengo 24 años y 9 meses; estoy estudiando una segunda carrera; he vivido en distintos países; y no se cómo me veo en 1 año; no tengo ni la menor idea.
No me gusta que me hagan planear, no creo en la realización de los planes; tengo un poco de conflicto con la idea del plan divino, pero no creo que pueda ganarle al destino.
Lo único que se de la vida es que quiero ser una persona feliz; quiero que hasta en mis peores momentos haya sonrisas y fiestas; que después de mis lágrimas venga la calma y una carcajada para olvidarnos de todo; quiero sentir el cosquilleo del aire; y quiero seguir disfrutando de la vida.
No quiero pensar en lo que vendrá, no quiero crear posibles situaciones y preocuparme por enfrentarlas, quiero vivir el día a día, y ver lo que pasa.

Mi plan de vida es ¡SER FELIZ!

Así que no me obliguen a planear porque la frustración no me viene bien. No sé que será de mi vida, no sé qué haré el resto de mis días, pero por hoy seguiré festejando la vida y las alegrías.

Auschwitz

2010-10-29T15:31:00.001-07:00

A todos los judíos del mundo,
mis amigos,
mis hermanos.

Estos poetas infernales,
Dante, Blake, Rimbaud
que hablen más bajo...
que toquen más bajo...
¡Que se callen!
Hoy
cualquier habitante de la tierra
sabe mucho más del infierno
que esos tres poetas juntos.
Ya sé que Dante toca muy bien el violín...
¡Oh, el gran virtuoso!
Pero que no pretenda ahora
con sus tercetos maravillosos
y sus endecasílabos perfectos
asustar a ese niño judío
que está ahí, desgajado de sus padres...
Y solo.
¡Solo!
aguardando su turno
en los hornos crematorios de Auschwitz.
Dante... tú bajaste a los infiernos
con Virgilio de la mano
(Virgilio, «gran cicerone»)
y aquello vuestro de la Divina Comedia
fue una aventura divertida
de música y turismo.
Esto es otra cosa... otra cosa...
¿Cómo te explicaré?
¡Si no tienes imaginación!
Tú... no tienes imaginación,
Acuérdate que en tu «Infierno»
no hay un niño siquiera...
Y ese que ves ahí...
está solo
¡Solo! Sin cicerone...
esperando que se abran las puertas de un infierno que tú, ¡pobre florentino!,
no pudiste siquiera imaginar.
Esto es otra cosa... ¿cómo te diré?
¡Mira! Éste es un lugar donde no se puede tocar el violín.
Aquí se rompen las cuerdas de todos los violines del mundo.
¿Me habéis entendido poetas infernales?
Virgilio, Dante, Blake, Rimbaud...
¡Hablad más bajo!
¡Tocad más bajo! ¡Chist!
¡¡Callaos!!
Yo también soy un gran violinista...
y he tocado en el infierno muchas veces...
Pero ahora, aquí...
rompo mi violín... y me callo.

León Felipe

That was not a chick flick...

2010-10-10T23:33:00.000-07:00

It is not that I love to watch chick flicks (I do love movies, any kind, so I love chick flicks). But when I go into a movie theater to watch a chick flick, I expect exactly that... a chick flick. Not a sad movie that makes me want to cry through it all, and then at the end they try and fix it with a happy ever after.
I do not like it at all.
I do not want to go into a theater wanting to see a sweet and awwww kind of comedy, and having tears in my eyes, praying to a supreme deity that no one ever has to go live anything like they do in the movie.
When I go into a chick flick, I want to see a romantic and sweet movie with a spoon of laughter, that of course has a happy ending.
So no, I did not like "Life as we know it" and no it is not a chick flick.

Post-Moss era begins...

2010-10-07T20:16:00.000-07:00

Brady said. “He did a lot of great things for this team. You know, at the same time, I think coach Belichick feels that that’s what he thinks he needs to do for the team. So we as players, we deal with it and we move on. I think I’ve been around long enough to realize that nothing really surprises me, and the best thing for me to do is be the best quarterback I can be for the team.”

If Brady can deal with it so can I...

Thought Questions

2010-10-04T11:36:00.000-07:00

"If life is so short,
why do we do so many things we don't like
and like so many things we don't do?"

Estocolmo

2010-10-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

"Si he narrado en este discurso ciertos sucesos del pasado, si he revivido un nunca olvidado relato en esta ocasión y en este sitio tan diferente a lo acontecido, es porque en el curso de mi vida he encontrado siempre en alguna parte la aseveración necesaria, la fórmula que me aguardaba, no para endurecerse en mis palabras sino para explicarme a mí mismo."

Pronunciado por Pablo Neruda
con ocasión de la entrega del Premio Nobel de Literatura.

Sometimes.

2010-10-03T13:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we just need to get it all out. Sometimes I am confused and lost. Sometimes I don't know where I am going. Sometimes it is difficult to foresee the future. Sometimes it is difficult to live in the present. and Sometimes it is difficult to remember the past.

Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes.

Our Deepest Fear

2010-09-20T13:24:00.000-07:00

by Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Hoy

2010-09-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

Crying sometimes is the way out... So, What happens when you have no tears?

soy

2010-09-15T23:53:00.000-07:00

soy.soyenespañol.soyconpuntos.soysincomas.soysinespacios.soysinacentos.soysintiysoyconmigo.soyenminusculas.soysinmayusculas.soyenfuerteyavecesenqueditoperonuncaensilencio.soymexico.soymexicana.soyenmexico.soyfuerademexico.soyhoyyseremañana.soyeningleshebreoyunpoquitoenfrances.soycontonoytonalidad.soyenrojoytengoazul.soymorado.soyleeroirysoñar.soydenocheyavecesdedia.soyenhorasyminutos.soyenañosyensegundos.soyruidosa.soycallada.soyydesaparezco.soydelaguaydelatierra.soyavecesdelaireynuncadelfuego.soyfuegosinembargo.soycuandohabloycuandocanto.soysiemprebailando.soycayendo.soyquebrando.soyporcelana.soyatododarylodoytodo.soyconfianza.soyhonesta.soyennochesymadrugadas.soytardeysoytemprano.soyrepetitiva.soy.soyenrealidadyvirtual.soyyestoy.soytodoynadaperonuncax.soysiempreynuncadejodeser.soyampmyfm.soyenfotophotoyvideo.soyvaila.soytivaila.soyquientebaila.soyrisaysonrisa.soy.soyysere.soyperosiempresiempresoy.

I...

2010-09-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

I am too loud for my own good...

Let's talk about me, let's color my world...

2010-08-17T00:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I have found my voice… other I think I am still in the search…
I write to discover it, to discover me. Every step I take, takes me closer to it, to me.

I have always been red; no doubt, no questions asked. It has been my favorite color since I can remember. I would buy everything in that color, pens, clothes, bags, everything.
Now what does red means? It is passion, fire, intensity… There are no substitutions.
And I was red in all the sense of the word.
Almost a year ago something started to change, I wasn’t sure what or how, and I am not sure when did it start and when will it end, but I am changing I can feel it in the air, in the water, in the fire and mostly in me…
Suddenly I was more into purple than red, I would sometimes think purple was my favorite color. For a long time I tried to ignore it, I kept saying red was it and I was red.
When change appears it is inevitable. There is no stopping or turning back. But I didn’t understand it at all; and I didn’t like it a bit. Why was I liking purple? Why was I becoming purple? It didn’t make sense.
Suddenly I wasn’t going out that much, I was kind of laying low; all of this was making me sad and depressed, I didn’t understand at all. I was frustrated to be purple, because red is a great color, and I loved everything about being red.
After a couple of months really sad because I could see I was changing, but depressed because I wasn’t red and I was feeling purple, bug I was seeing blue. And while wondering people told me I was never going to stop being red, but I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t understand any of it. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t wanted to go out, not partying, not dancing, not nothing; even people around me didn’t understand, they thought I was getting sick or something. I didn’t want to stop being red; I was holding on to it, don’t wanting to let go.
But suddenly one day it hit me, like lighting, what I wasn’t seeing was that purple = red + blue, I was adding blue to my palette. And it made sense blue is cool, calm, and pacific; I was growing, maturing.
It was the increase in blue what made me blue, I didn’t know how to deal with it, I had never had blue in me, but I am becoming purple, a combination of red and blue. I have my red days and my blue days; I party and sometimes I stay home; I go out and sometimes I cook in; I see people and I enjoy my solitude. Now it doesn’t make me sad not wanting to go out, I enjoy my alone time, I enjoy my home. I don’t have to be out all night every night. I am growing and maturing, I am changing, but now through color I understand what is happening with me. Now I am purple, but I will always have a little red in me. I can still pull an all nighter, but I can enjoy a staying in.
Sometimes my favorite color is still red, sometimes I feel blue, but now I am purple and purple is me.

"I am not longer the same: my personality hasn't change, but certainly my being-in-the-world has." Sartre, (in a letter to Simone on Sept 28, 1939)

Cansada...

2010-08-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

"Contra viento y marea y tal vez contra el mundo..."
-Intocable

A veces no soy lo suficientemente fuerte para luchar, ni por ti ni por mi...

Just when you start to see the sunshine, clouds attack and it starts to rain... I am just going to stand still... at least for now...

letters

2010-08-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

write, written, wrote, will write...

Writing a letter that doesn't narrate your day, that goes beyond matters, that is worth to be written but more than that, that it is worth reading, that is the real challenge...
When you can write a letter to the person that is laying next to you, the same person that shared the day with you, a letter worth reading... that is when perfection is accomplished, and there is nothing more but to keep writing...

Belonging

2010-06-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

It is tearing me apart the fact that you are not mine. That you want to belong to someone else. And that that else doesn't want you.

Falling apart...

2010-06-02T23:34:00.000-07:00

Me duele hasta la quijada de tanta tensión.............

Llorar y llorar, llorar y llorar...

Falling apart...

Even though you make me smile.....

Frase

2010-04-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

La locura, la excentricidad y la belleza son un estilo de vida. Son mi estilo de vida…
-V

You...

2010-03-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

I told you I would run away... I told you I would hurt you...
Now we can not look at each other, and we find ourselves running away from each other... It is so difficult living in a small town, going to a small school, having common friends, and having to run into you...

My name according to Urban Dictionary...

2010-03-24T20:14:00.001-07:00

1. Violeta

Violeta comes from the color Violet and also the flower. Since Violet is a delicate flower, so is the woman that carries this sweet name. She is beautiful, sexy, outgoing, trustworthy and fun to be around. Violeta is very feminine, smart, strong yet sensitive. She knows what she wants in life and is hardly ever truly confused about anything. Very artistic and a romantic fool.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=violeta

Hide...

2010-03-21T23:53:00.000-07:00

I don’t belong to you. You don’t belong to me. We belong to each other.
Don’t fall for me; I don’t want to fall for you.
Life is only going to get tougher. Let’s stop now…
No more… No more… No more…
You looked me in the eyes and told me you were falling for me… Baby I don’t want to hurt you, but this can only get worse.
You make me happy and you make me laugh, but I am afraid I will only make you cry.
Stop now, don’t fall, hold tight, don’t let go, don’t dive in…
No… No… No…
I have excuses; do you want to hear them?
Then stop, please…
I don’t want to fall for you… Don’t fall for me…
I will hurt you, and you will hurt me…
I am just going to hide now…and I won't let go...

random boy thoughts...

2010-03-12T20:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just have to got everything out! Like right now... I am just going to write what is on my mind!
Boys, boys, boys. They are weird, but sometimes cute and also fun. He is playing me, or trying to, or pretending to, but I am having fun, so right now I don't care. On the other hand, he is nice and sweet. It is so random, all of them are nice, but not all of them are good for me, or maybe they are. Oh dear, what should we do? Let's just have fun!
Also she is playing both, but they are nice and amazing boys. She is trying to play us all, but she is my friend too.
For now we'll just party hard and study more!

Ohhh writing!

2010-02-09T21:20:00.000-08:00

How I missed to write! Writing is part of my life!
I have to keep it up! I hope I will be able to write more than just a few lines that come through my head! :)
I will try my best!

Boys are dramaaaaaaa! TG I am a girl!

2010-02-07T02:31:00.001-08:00

Drama, drama, drama...

Dicen las malas lenguas que a las mujeres nos gusta hacer drama, que porque sí, que porque no y porque qué sé yo?!!?
Últimamente me he encontrado con demasiado dramaaaaaa... pero por parte de los hombres...
Han creado más drama que el que yo en toda mi vida, y eso que soy dramática...
Ya estoy cansada de tener que lidiar con ellos y sus dramas. Tienen que detener el drama que parecen nenas y necesitamos hombres...

Duck, pato, pato, duck!

2010-02-02T00:03:00.000-08:00

pato, pato, duck, pato, duck......

No... No... Yes...

2010-01-31T22:58:00.000-08:00

It is probably my fault... You asked me and I answered the wrong answer... Maybe it is my fault... Maybe I haven't made myself clear... You've asked me twice and twice I've said no... Maybe next time I should say yes... It is my fault... Maybe if you ask me again I'll say yes... This time I'll answer with the truth... This time you'll hear my voice... And if you do, maybe this time you will run away... Maybe it is for the best...

10 things I hate about you...

2010-01-31T22:41:00.000-08:00

Someone already said it better, so here it goes...

10 things I hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way youre always right,
I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when youre not around,
and the fact that you didnt call.

But mostly I hate the way I dont hate you,
not even close
not even a little bit
not even at all.