I want to live like that, enjoying the whole week...
I want to be singing, even when it is a sad melody...
I want to wake up so early I am still asleep but have the strength to go where I have to...
I want to laugh at nothing and smile at my own reflection...
I want to make people happy by the sole fact that I am there...
I want to live like this, knowing that I will reach my purpose...
This is not
the end of our time together. Because it ended time ago.
nothing more than me closing the door.
For so long
I have been thinking about our time and everything, and now is time for me to
let go, of you, of me, of us.
never got the chance to say this face to face, now I've been cornered to write
it down and publish it here, until a hysterical or drunk moment drives me to
send it to you.
meantime I'll get it off my chest.
saying how you didn't want to push me away and how much you liked me. But after
all you pushed me away, so far away that there was no way back.
it is out of pain and panic that you didn't let me in, but on the longer run if
you don't let anybody near then you'll suffer more.
I know you
are distrustful and you've been hurt, but not everybody is going to hurt you,
not purposely at least.
And as I've
told you before pain is part of life, to care for someone is to let the good
with the bad. And yeah caring for someone and loving someone will bring times
of happiness but there will be some others than won't be; but it is all worth
it, the good times are worth the not so good ones.
time wasn't right for us, although we could have made it work if we wanted to.
To let people in you have to make space for them, and that doesn't mean leaving
everything for them, but arrange time to have with each other. Even if it means
nothing more than doing work together. But make space for her in your life.
You are an
amazing guy, my shy boy, believe it and let someone near don't drive people
I care for you and I hope you find
what you want in life and you conquer it.
UPDATE: I sent it, and not under alcohol or hysteria but after a long thought process and various talks with friends, so I rewrite it and this is it:
Pain is inevitable it is part of life.
You taught me things about life and about me, and that
makes it worth it. Knowing you and having you be part of my life made that pain
worth it. And I would not have changed it or want it any different, because I
learned from you and from us.
We talked constantly that people come into your life for a
reason and they don’t always stay forever. So our time run out, but I don’t
regret , I gave it all and I learned from it, yes I got hurt but as I’ve said
it is part of life. To care for someone is to let the good with the bad. And
yeah caring for someone and loving someone will bring times of happiness but
there will be some others than won't be; but it is all worth it, the good times
are worth the not so good ones.
But I hope that you learned from it too, and if there were
something I would want you to keep is that you shouldn’t push people away from
you. I am not saying let everybody in and let them hurt you, it is not about
that, but you shouldn’t let everybody out. You shouldn’t distrust everyone.
I understand it is out of pain and panic that you didn't
let me in, but not everybody is going to hurt you, not purposely at least. And you
have to make space in your life for them.
You kept saying how you didn't want to push me away and
how much you liked me. But in the end that is what you did.
You are an amazing guy, my shy boy, believe it and let
someone near don't drive everybody away.
I care for you and I hope you find what you want in life
and you conquer it.
So we've been working on editing photos and uploading to the blog and all sorts of things we should do while we are on a school trip in NY. Yes, yes, yes, whatever, that is right, but as photographers we do it. That and the fact that pictures and blogs have nothing to do with homework, because I am shooting a documentary. So practically and technically I am not doing homework, but don't tell my teacher, or do so if you like. Yes, I have lost my mind, and the fact that we have really slow internet even at Starbucks, doesn't make this any easier.
But on to what I was really intending to write about:
I was having a small fight with Purple Verry, because we weren't understanding each other that well, we didn't solve the problem but we moved on with other solutions. And while this heated up discussion was happening an old lady from the 3rd age was walking back, with a disapproval face, and probably thinking "that is why I don't use computers". Which made me wonder if she was referring to the Verry or to me, because if it is about the Verry I find it very very offensive, what did she ever do to her? and also well, you can only ask so much out of everything. And if she was referring to my madness, I also find that a bit aggressive and and not understanding, because I should, when I find the correct reasons I'll let you know, in the mid-time I'll stop writing non-sense and go back to "work".