Tuesday, May 27, 2014

What do we do?

Sometimes I don't know if I am really living or just waiting to die.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy and I have no intentions of dieing but it just feels as if my life is just that, to wait until my purpose is on my face or done.
The anxiety is terrible, because I don't really see my purpose, will I ever find it out? Does anyone ever do?
So we just keep living?

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

I deserve

I deserve more. I know everyone thinks like that, but in my case I believe it to be true, so so true.

Let me tell you something, I deserve someone who would do anything for me, because I am the kind of person that would do anything for you. I deserve someone who wouldn't care loosing sleeping time to talk to me, because I would loose all my sleep for you. I deserve someone who would rearrange their day just to be able to see me, because I would move everything on my schedule just to say hi to you. I deserve someone who would talk to me for hours because just by hearing me his day would instantly be better, because hearing him would definitely make day shine. I deserve someone who would text me before even opening his eyes in the morning because I am the first thought on his head, because he'll be the thought on my mind when I'll go to bed. I deserve someone who would make time for me, because I would make time for you. I deserve someone who would know my mood just by reading the first word, because we would know each other all too well. I deserve someone who will love me not in spite but because of who I am, even when I don't know even know it.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Weird, isn't it?

I´ve had weird days and weirdest weekends but this past Saturday was hands-down the weirdest in my lifetime.

So I had a very weird weekend that has let me thinking and analyzing my life, and now I am in a weird mood, not bad but different.

I´ve never been the one-night-stand-kind-of-girl more like romantic-caring-relationship-kind-of-girl and this weekend was weird.

Have I told you I had a weird weekend? hahaha I know you want to hear whats up, but guess what?!?!?!?!?!!?!? I started writing this post so long ago I can't recall the weird day, I have no idea what was I talking about... So here goes the reflection> It wasn't such a big deal, it was very weird to make me start writing but not weird enough to make it to my memory lane, so let's raise our glasses to random and weird moments that won't make it to our autobiography books!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Overcoming the fear of writing out loud...

I am afraid, I think I have always been afraid, afraid of ending alone...
This is probably the first time I dare say it out loud, or in this case write it out.
I am afraid of not finding someone to love that loves me back, a partner in crime, a partner for love; and understanding, caring, partner.
I want to be a couple, I want to have a plus one, I want to love and be loved.
I though that if I didn't think about it, if I didn't act like I care, if I didn't focus on it, then it wouldn't matter if I hadn't find it. But it matters, because it doesn't matter if I act like I don't care o pretend I don't think about, I still want it for me.
And that is why it is scary, the thought of wanting something that is out of your hands and it may get here late, I am afraid to say it out loud, but I do, I want somebody to love...
But there it is, I am afraid of ending alone, I don't want to end alone, I want to love somebody that loves me back, I want to have a partner, to be a couple, to have somebody that has eyes only for me, someone for me...

Friday, August 23, 2013

I don´t want to live like this... I want to live like that...

I don´t want to live like that, waiting for Friday and avoiding the Mondays...
I don´t want to have a difficult time waking up and counting the minutes till I have to go...
I don´t want to drag my feet up the stairs and have to deal with the tension pain...
I don´t want to be scared when they call my name...
I don´t want to live like this, avoiding the bridge I am crossing...
I don´t want to be scared and comfortable...
I don´t want to procrastinate more than anything...
I don´t want to dread going to work...
I don´t want to live like this, suffering throughout the path...

I want to live like that, enjoying the whole week...
I want to be singing, even when it is a sad melody...
I want to wake up so early I am still asleep but have the strength to go where I have to...
I want to laugh at nothing and smile at my own reflection...
I want to make people happy by the sole fact that I am there...
I want to live like this, knowing that I will reach my purpose...

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Loving Wednesday!!

It has been months from my last loving Wednesday so it is time for me to love again!

I am linking up with Jamie from the blog This Kind of Love and here it goes...

 I'm loving the week off work we had to relax and enjoy!

I'm loving coming back to work, having a job!

I'm loving April lot´s of adventures near.

I'm loving having the energy to exercise in the morning!

I'm loving the middle of the week Wednesday!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I am going to tell you...

I am going to tell you the truth... but in my own way and at my own pace...

I am going to tell you that I kind of like you, not in the "can´t sleep, can´t eat, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love", more in the you are cute, kind of funny, ultra smart, this could work out kind of way...

I am going to tell you that it grew out of I have no idea how we met or why we are fb friends.

I am going to tell you that I am afraid of falling for someone, of letting them know how I feel, of showing my true self, of being serious about it.

I am going to tell you I almost never let go, always think thrice what I am going to say and I am afraid of just blurt it all out.

I am going to tell you that I think a hundred times a day about the small talks and shots we´ve shared.

I am going to tell you that all of my friends think there is something between us and that your cousin thinks we should be introduced.

I am going to tell you I stare at the photos we took together at my bday and that I think about posting some general on fb but I am afraid it will be an "I like you" kind of statement

I am going to tell you how I think about screaming at the seven winds that I think you are amazing and I kind of end up showing our photo to the people around me.

I am going to tell you that I am trying to figure out how to approach you and how to let you know that I like you.

I am going to tell you that I wish every day that you feel the same about me and you decide to do something before I chicken out.

I am going to tell you the truth, in my own way and at my own pace... which will probably be never... but I am going to tell you...

Friday, November 23, 2012

Time to let go...

It is that moment in my life when I have to choose between letting go or staying behind, and for that matter there really isn't a plausible option of staying behind, it is more like keeping this depressed-hostile-attitude while the world keeps going. So of course I am choosing 'letting go' because I am tired of suffering, of disappointments and all that involves dragging your past.

I am making a list of everything that I am letting go.

So here we go:
-I am letting go of the heart-breaking experience of moving out of California and leaving that kind of life and amazing friends behind.
-I am letting go of those horrible friends that kept my life miserable in Mexico.
-I am letting go of the pain my dad went through when he lost his father and letting go of the pain I went through losing a grandfather.
-I am letting go of that job at the Film Festival that didn't quite worked for me.
-I am letting go of the guy that I kind of liked that stood me up.
-I am letting go of that illusion with the Colombian guy.
-I am letting go of all the fears of failing and succeeding.
-I am letting go my dragging feet attitude.
-I am letting go of the feeling of not being good enough in every aspect that I have it.
-I am letting go of my depressed thoughts that involves "life sucks".

I am letting go of my past because "As long as you live in the past, you'll never find your future."

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

What? I'm loving Wednesday!

It's been a long time since I'm loving a Wednesday and even longer since I've said out loud or here.

So let's be grateful for this beautiful life and this happy Wednesday!

I am linking up with Jamie from the blog This Kind of Love and here it goes...

 I'm loving the little butterflies that fly inside of me!

I'm loving all the traveling! I've been very lucky this year!

I'm loving my sweet family that are being so supportive.

I'm loving all the new friends I have made this couple of months.

I'm loving having the energy to love this Wednesday!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Everybody is right...

Everybody is telling me to open my heart, let go and live it to the fullest. But how do you do that when you are just too scared. When every other relationship ended in tears and pain. I am tired of crying in the corner, hurting in my sleep, and pretending a smile.

I am beyond afraid of opening my heart to you. To you or anybody else for that matter. I don't want to get hurt again, I don't want to cry and have to reinvent myself again because you broke me beyond repair. And I know if I don't open my heart to pain I am not letting happiness in either, but how do you open your heart, let go and live that to the fullest? How do I move past my insecurities?

And I know everybody is right: Open my heart, let go and live to the fullest! but HOW? HOW? HOW?

While I try to figure it out, let's give it a try through music. There is a song by the Guatemala songwriter Ricardo Arjona titled Te Quiero which is about loving you while it lasts...

Like my mom says "You'll cry when you need to, but if you can smile and love for now do it!"