I lost the game. I realize that now. All the cards were played and I lost. I am not sure if you won or we just both lost. Maybe it was a no-win situation, or maybe... maybe. But it is done, it was done long ago and it is still done now.
So why am I writing about it again? Why do I keep thinking of and about you? Why do I keep remembering?
I realized it today. I fell for you. I fell in lo ve with you.
And falling out of lo ve from you; well that is the difficult part. I knew I liked you a lot, but I just recognized it, I fell in lo ve with you.
How can falling in lo ve translate to losing? to game over?
It was worth it, this is not about regretting falling for you. But it is about how I feel broken now, like a part of me is missing and I wonder if I'll ever lo ve again, will I ever be loved again? That is for me a game over, a lost game.
I mi ss yo U in my life. I mi ss walking the streets with you, laughing about Vodka, Giggles and Shy boy, about random coffee names and about our camping adventures. It aches every time I tell a story about us, because I have to disguise my feelings and our relationship. You became a friend and in stead of being funny it hurts. Daydreaming, night-dreaming and movie-dreaming is pain, pure pain.
It is not like it used to be, that everything I am reminds me of you. No, it hurts different. Because I ache for what it was, what it isn't and what it will never become.
Your friend, who became my friend said to me when talking about our broken path:
"its okay though
i think its honestly his lose
you will always find better."
I know or I hope there is truth in his words and it helped eased the pain, but still there was no winner and the game is over...
