Let's talk about me, let's color my world...

Sometimes I think I have found my voice… other I think I am still in the search…
I write to discover it, to discover me. Every step I take, takes me closer to it, to me.

I have always been red; no doubt, no questions asked. It has been my favorite color since I can remember. I would buy everything in that color, pens, clothes, bags, everything.
Now what does red means? It is passion, fire, intensity… There are no substitutions.
And I was red in all the sense of the word.
Almost a year ago something started to change, I wasn’t sure what or how, and I am not sure when did it start and when will it end, but I am changing I can feel it in the air, in the water, in the fire and mostly in me…
Suddenly I was more into purple than red, I would sometimes think purple was my favorite color. For a long time I tried to ignore it, I kept saying red was it and I was red.
When change appears it is inevitable. There is no stopping or turning back. But I didn’t understand it at all; and I didn’t like it a bit. Why was I liking purple? Why was I becoming purple? It didn’t make sense.
Suddenly I wasn’t going out that much, I was kind of laying low; all of this was making me sad and depressed, I didn’t understand at all. I was frustrated to be purple, because red is a great color, and I loved everything about being red.
After a couple of months really sad because I could see I was changing, but depressed because I wasn’t red and I was feeling purple, bug I was seeing blue. And while wondering people told me I was never going to stop being red, but I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t understand any of it. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t wanted to go out, not partying, not dancing, not nothing; even people around me didn’t understand, they thought I was getting sick or something. I didn’t want to stop being red; I was holding on to it, don’t wanting to let go.
But suddenly one day it hit me, like lighting, what I wasn’t seeing was that purple = red + blue, I was adding blue to my palette. And it made sense blue is cool, calm, and pacific; I was growing, maturing.
It was the increase in blue what made me blue, I didn’t know how to deal with it, I had never had blue in me, but I am becoming purple, a combination of red and blue. I have my red days and my blue days; I party and sometimes I stay home; I go out and sometimes I cook in; I see people and I enjoy my solitude. Now it doesn’t make me sad not wanting to go out, I enjoy my alone time, I enjoy my home. I don’t have to be out all night every night. I am growing and maturing, I am changing, but now through color I understand what is happening with me. Now I am purple, but I will always have a little red in me. I can still pull an all nighter, but I can enjoy a staying in.
Sometimes my favorite color is still red, sometimes I feel blue, but now I am purple and purple is me.

"I am not longer the same: my personality hasn't change, but certainly my being-in-the-world has." Sartre, (in a letter to Simone on Sept 28, 1939)

Cansada...

"Contra viento y marea y tal vez contra el mundo..."
-Intocable

A veces no soy lo suficientemente fuerte para luchar, ni por ti ni por mi...

Just when you start to see the sunshine, clouds attack and it starts to rain... I am just going to stand still... at least for now...

letters

write, written, wrote, will write...

Writing a letter that doesn't narrate your day, that goes beyond matters, that is worth to be written but more than that, that it is worth reading, that is the real challenge...
When you can write a letter to the person that is laying next to you, the same person that shared the day with you, a letter worth reading... that is when perfection is accomplished, and there is nothing more but to keep writing...

Belonging

It is tearing me apart the fact that you are not mine. That you want to belong to someone else. And that that else doesn't want you.

Falling apart...

Me duele hasta la quijada de tanta tensión.............

Llorar y llorar, llorar y llorar...



Falling apart...

Even though you make me smile.....

Frase

La locura, la excentricidad y la belleza son un estilo de vida. Son mi estilo de vida…
-V

You...

I told you I would run away... I told you I would hurt you...
Now we can not look at each other, and we find ourselves running away from each other... It is so difficult living in a small town, going to a small school, having common friends, and having to run into you...

My name according to Urban Dictionary...

1. Violeta

Violeta comes from the color Violet and also the flower. Since Violet is a delicate flower, so is the woman that carries this sweet name. She is beautiful, sexy, outgoing, trustworthy and fun to be around. Violeta is very feminine, smart, strong yet sensitive. She knows what she wants in life and is hardly ever truly confused about anything. Very artistic and a romantic fool.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=violeta

Hide...

I don’t belong to you. You don’t belong to me. We belong to each other.
Don’t fall for me; I don’t want to fall for you.
Life is only going to get tougher. Let’s stop now…
No more… No more… No more…
You looked me in the eyes and told me you were falling for me… Baby I don’t want to hurt you, but this can only get worse.
You make me happy and you make me laugh, but I am afraid I will only make you cry.
Stop now, don’t fall, hold tight, don’t let go, don’t dive in…
No… No… No…
I have excuses; do you want to hear them?
Then stop, please…
I don’t want to fall for you… Don’t fall for me…
I will hurt you, and you will hurt me…
I am just going to hide now…and I won't let go...

random boy thoughts...

Sometimes you just have to got everything out! Like right now... I am just going to write what is on my mind!
Boys, boys, boys. They are weird, but sometimes cute and also fun. He is playing me, or trying to, or pretending to, but I am having fun, so right now I don't care. On the other hand, he is nice and sweet. It is so random, all of them are nice, but not all of them are good for me, or maybe they are. Oh dear, what should we do? Let's just have fun!
Also she is playing both, but they are nice and amazing boys. She is trying to play us all, but she is my friend too.
For now we'll just party hard and study more!