Overcoming the fear of writing out loud...

I am afraid, I think I have always been afraid, afraid of ending alone...
This is probably the first time I dare say it out loud, or in this case write it out.
I am afraid of not finding someone to love that loves me back, a partner in crime, a partner for love; and understanding, caring, partner.
I want to be a couple, I want to have a plus one, I want to love and be loved.
I though that if I didn't think about it, if I didn't act like I care, if I didn't focus on it, then it wouldn't matter if I hadn't find it. But it matters, because it doesn't matter if I act like I don't care o pretend I don't think about, I still want it for me.
And that is why it is scary, the thought of wanting something that is out of your hands and it may get here late, I am afraid to say it out loud, but I do, I want somebody to love...
But there it is, I am afraid of ending alone, I don't want to end alone, I want to love somebody that loves me back, I want to have a partner, to be a couple, to have somebody that has eyes only for me, someone for me...

I'll work on it

So we've been working on editing photos and uploading to the blog and all sorts of things we should do while we are on a school trip in NY. Yes, yes, yes, whatever, that is right, but as photographers we do it. That and the fact that pictures and blogs have nothing to do with homework, because I am shooting a documentary. So practically and technically I am not doing homework, but don't tell my teacher, or do so if you like. Yes, I have lost my mind, and the fact that we have really slow internet even at Starbucks, doesn't make this any easier.

But on to what I was really intending to write about:

I was having a small fight with Purple Verry, because we weren't understanding each other that well, we didn't solve the problem but we moved on with other solutions. And while this heated up discussion was happening an old lady from the 3rd age was walking back, with a disapproval face, and probably thinking "that is why I don't use computers". Which made me wonder if she was referring to the Verry or to me, because if it is about the Verry I find it very very offensive, what did she ever do to her? and also well, you can only ask so much out of everything. And if she was referring to my madness, I also find that a bit aggressive and and not understanding, because I should, when I find the correct reasons I'll let you know, in the mid-time I'll stop writing non-sense and go back to "work".

Silence, only silence

Everything I am reminds me of you. My laugh, my jokes, my ice-cream-bars passion, my sarcasm, my complaining, my past, my future, my everything and everything...

You are in my mind, in my heart, in my thoughts, in my dreams. You are all the way around and all the way inside.

How do I forget? When will I forget? About us, about you and about everything else.

It hurts, so much and so deep. I wouldn't have imagined this much pain.

My heart aches for you, my whole body trembles.

There is only silence around me, and it is coming from you.


I forgot I don't belong to you and that you never belonged to me...

I forgot, and now there is silence, only silence

Sin planes...

Siempre me ha molestado el tipo de preguntas como ¿A qué te quieres dedicar? ¿Cómo te ves en 1, 2, 5, 10 años? ¿Qué es lo que quieres hacer? etc, etc, etc.
Y es sencillamente porque no tengo la menor idea.
Tengo 24 años y 9 meses; estoy estudiando una segunda carrera; he vivido en distintos países; y no se cómo me veo en 1 año; no tengo ni la menor idea.
No me gusta que me hagan planear, no creo en la realización de los planes; tengo un poco de conflicto con la idea del plan divino, pero no creo que pueda ganarle al destino.
Lo único que se de la vida es que quiero ser una persona feliz; quiero que hasta en mis peores momentos haya sonrisas y fiestas; que después de mis lágrimas venga la calma y una carcajada para olvidarnos de todo; quiero sentir el cosquilleo del aire; y quiero seguir disfrutando de la vida.
No quiero pensar en lo que vendrá, no quiero crear posibles situaciones y preocuparme por enfrentarlas, quiero vivir el día a día, y ver lo que pasa.

Mi plan de vida es ¡SER FELIZ!

Así que no me obliguen a planear porque la frustración no me viene bien. No sé que será de mi vida, no sé qué haré el resto de mis días, pero por hoy seguiré festejando la vida y las alegrías.

Frase

La locura, la excentricidad y la belleza son un estilo de vida. Son mi estilo de vida…
-V