What do we do?

Sometimes I don't know if I am really living or just waiting to die.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy and I have no intentions of dieing but it just feels as if my life is just that, to wait until my purpose is on my face or done.
The anxiety is terrible, because I don't really see my purpose, will I ever find it out? Does anyone ever do?
So we just keep living?

Overcoming the fear of writing out loud...

I am afraid, I think I have always been afraid, afraid of ending alone...
This is probably the first time I dare say it out loud, or in this case write it out.
I am afraid of not finding someone to love that loves me back, a partner in crime, a partner for love; and understanding, caring, partner.
I want to be a couple, I want to have a plus one, I want to love and be loved.
I though that if I didn't think about it, if I didn't act like I care, if I didn't focus on it, then it wouldn't matter if I hadn't find it. But it matters, because it doesn't matter if I act like I don't care o pretend I don't think about, I still want it for me.
And that is why it is scary, the thought of wanting something that is out of your hands and it may get here late, I am afraid to say it out loud, but I do, I want somebody to love...
But there it is, I am afraid of ending alone, I don't want to end alone, I want to love somebody that loves me back, I want to have a partner, to be a couple, to have somebody that has eyes only for me, someone for me...

Who is the complicated?

Is it life the complicated or the human beings? What is life without human beings? What are human beings without life?

When the feeling gets too much we use the phrase "Life is too complicated!" and is it? or are we the complicated? How does it really works? Who is to blame?

Is it a personal choice to have a complicated situation? Is it others? Is it our neighbor? Or just the way life is? And if so how do we move past it?

The world goes round and round and sometimes life feels soooooo complicated when others it feels like a walk on the park. Ups and downs like a roller-coaster...

So is life complicated or a walk on the park? And if so how do we deal with complication?

I know, I know, it is the way life is...

Far away

I have been out of this part of my world for a little bit. Why? I could say because I am busy but knowing me, I could argue that is an excuse.

So really I have been out because I might be afraid of how I feel and what I feel. I am super stressed out and hurting, physically hurting. All due to this job hunting and new life coping situation... At least that is what I think.

I am back because I need to talk to someone about how I feel, and I don't really want to drop this on anybody. So post it here on my free space, free for words, and free of judgment.

The thing is I can't complain, not about my life and not about my surroundings, but I am past way stressed and this needs to change because this is not healthy at all and I am not getting any younger.

Let's breath together... One... Two... and Three...

Will we forget?

Our bodies have memories.

Your hands remember the touch of my body, my hands remember your face. Yours lips can trace mine in that everlasting kiss.

I don't want to let go. I rather live in this moment where you are here, holding me, kissing me, making me feel loved. The moment I have been dreaming off since the last day I saw you, what seems like a hundred weeks ago.

I know it can't last forever and I know I won't see you again, but for now I want to hold on to this moment and not let go. Not ever and not now.

Our bodies have memories. So come back.

Kiss me like you do, hold me like you never want to let me go. Hold me with your strong hands. Trace me with your lips.

I want to talk to you and I want to kiss you. I want to walk the street by your side, holding you like you are mine. Like once we did, because we belonged to each other and everybody had to see.

Silence, only silence

Everything I am reminds me of you. My laugh, my jokes, my ice-cream-bars passion, my sarcasm, my complaining, my past, my future, my everything and everything...

You are in my mind, in my heart, in my thoughts, in my dreams. You are all the way around and all the way inside.

How do I forget? When will I forget? About us, about you and about everything else.

It hurts, so much and so deep. I wouldn't have imagined this much pain.

My heart aches for you, my whole body trembles.

There is only silence around me, and it is coming from you.


I forgot I don't belong to you and that you never belonged to me...

I forgot, and now there is silence, only silence

Sometimes.

Sometimes we just need to get it all out. Sometimes I am confused and lost. Sometimes I don't know where I am going. Sometimes it is difficult to foresee the future. Sometimes it is difficult to live in the present. and Sometimes it is difficult to remember the past.

Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes.