Far away

I have been out of this part of my world for a little bit. Why? I could say because I am busy but knowing me, I could argue that is an excuse.

So really I have been out because I might be afraid of how I feel and what I feel. I am super stressed out and hurting, physically hurting. All due to this job hunting and new life coping situation... At least that is what I think.

I am back because I need to talk to someone about how I feel, and I don't really want to drop this on anybody. So post it here on my free space, free for words, and free of judgment.

The thing is I can't complain, not about my life and not about my surroundings, but I am past way stressed and this needs to change because this is not healthy at all and I am not getting any younger.

Let's breath together... One... Two... and Three...

I'll work on it

So we've been working on editing photos and uploading to the blog and all sorts of things we should do while we are on a school trip in NY. Yes, yes, yes, whatever, that is right, but as photographers we do it. That and the fact that pictures and blogs have nothing to do with homework, because I am shooting a documentary. So practically and technically I am not doing homework, but don't tell my teacher, or do so if you like. Yes, I have lost my mind, and the fact that we have really slow internet even at Starbucks, doesn't make this any easier.

But on to what I was really intending to write about:

I was having a small fight with Purple Verry, because we weren't understanding each other that well, we didn't solve the problem but we moved on with other solutions. And while this heated up discussion was happening an old lady from the 3rd age was walking back, with a disapproval face, and probably thinking "that is why I don't use computers". Which made me wonder if she was referring to the Verry or to me, because if it is about the Verry I find it very very offensive, what did she ever do to her? and also well, you can only ask so much out of everything. And if she was referring to my madness, I also find that a bit aggressive and and not understanding, because I should, when I find the correct reasons I'll let you know, in the mid-time I'll stop writing non-sense and go back to "work".

Deepest fear

So one of my deepest fears just came to life. And all I could think of is that I was being paranoid and that it wasn't real. There was rational thinking but I felt paranoid.
The other day after boiling water something in the stove turn off, and so there was a leak of gas. At first I didn't know that it was leaking, but at night that I came back there was a slight smell of gas, and I thought maybe it was just my imagination after my mom commented on the phone something about gas. And I cooked some stuff on the half that could still light up, so I thought it was me, just plain on paranoid. Then I was going to go to sleep, but kept coming back to smell the stove, and I swear I could smell the gas. So I opened all the windows in the small apartment because apparently gas leak is one of my deepest fear, and it is not something that comes out often, but since I moved here, it's been in my head. So I didn't get any sleep all night, and then I was upset all morning. And I didnt know if it was me and being paranoid or if it did smell like it. So after class a friend of mine came to my house to make sure I wasn't being paranoid, and she confirmed my suspicions: there was a gas leak. While freaking out, my landlord got home and save the day. He explain about the pilot and how to fix this problem.
So I learned a lot that day:
1. How to fix the pilot on my stove.
2. Trust my senses.
3. Seek help (ex. gas people, or info.... at the least call mom!)
4. TRUST MY SENSES
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
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So I survived and learned, cool uh???

So how come I had no idea one of my deepest fears was gas leak?
because it is deepest? haha. yes. no.
When you are afraid of spiders and you see spiders often, it is really easy to realize you are afraid of them. But thankfully gas doesn't leak often, so it is not easy to find out you are afraid of gas leaking....

So safe and sound, I write this, days later from the storm...