Time to let go...

It is that moment in my life when I have to choose between letting go or staying behind, and for that matter there really isn't a plausible option of staying behind, it is more like keeping this depressed-hostile-attitude while the world keeps going. So of course I am choosing 'letting go' because I am tired of suffering, of disappointments and all that involves dragging your past.

I am making a list of everything that I am letting go.

So here we go:
-I am letting go of the heart-breaking experience of moving out of California and leaving that kind of life and amazing friends behind.
-I am letting go of those horrible friends that kept my life miserable in Mexico.
-I am letting go of the pain my dad went through when he lost his father and letting go of the pain I went through losing a grandfather.
-I am letting go of that job at the Film Festival that didn't quite worked for me.
-I am letting go of the guy that I kind of liked that stood me up.
-I am letting go of that illusion with the Colombian guy.
-I am letting go of all the fears of failing and succeeding.
-I am letting go my dragging feet attitude.
-I am letting go of the feeling of not being good enough in every aspect that I have it.
-I am letting go of my depressed thoughts that involves "life sucks".

I am letting go of my past because "As long as you live in the past, you'll never find your future."

Deepest fear

So one of my deepest fears just came to life. And all I could think of is that I was being paranoid and that it wasn't real. There was rational thinking but I felt paranoid.
The other day after boiling water something in the stove turn off, and so there was a leak of gas. At first I didn't know that it was leaking, but at night that I came back there was a slight smell of gas, and I thought maybe it was just my imagination after my mom commented on the phone something about gas. And I cooked some stuff on the half that could still light up, so I thought it was me, just plain on paranoid. Then I was going to go to sleep, but kept coming back to smell the stove, and I swear I could smell the gas. So I opened all the windows in the small apartment because apparently gas leak is one of my deepest fear, and it is not something that comes out often, but since I moved here, it's been in my head. So I didn't get any sleep all night, and then I was upset all morning. And I didnt know if it was me and being paranoid or if it did smell like it. So after class a friend of mine came to my house to make sure I wasn't being paranoid, and she confirmed my suspicions: there was a gas leak. While freaking out, my landlord got home and save the day. He explain about the pilot and how to fix this problem.
So I learned a lot that day:
1. How to fix the pilot on my stove.
2. Trust my senses.
3. Seek help (ex. gas people, or info.... at the least call mom!)
4. TRUST MY SENSES
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
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So I survived and learned, cool uh???

So how come I had no idea one of my deepest fears was gas leak?
because it is deepest? haha. yes. no.
When you are afraid of spiders and you see spiders often, it is really easy to realize you are afraid of them. But thankfully gas doesn't leak often, so it is not easy to find out you are afraid of gas leaking....

So safe and sound, I write this, days later from the storm...