Loving

For a really long time I haven´t been loving Wednesdays but to be true to my self I haven´t loved much for a while, that is until summer came and open up my eyes to my strengths and my dreams, so I am loving again.
For that I´ll do this post...

What I´m loving Wednesday?
-Being able to love what I do and do what I love: Photography
-To teach and learn photography all over again
-To have friends
-To have a supporting family
-To have reachable goals and dreams
-To not be afraid
-To have trips planed and paid
-To enjoy life
-To have time to enjoy my hobby: Rock climbing

But most of all what I´m loving it being happy

A woman’s place

"What is a woman’s place in this modern world? Jasnah Kholin’s words read. I rebel against this question, though so many of my peers ask it. The inherent bias in the inquiry seems invisible to so many of them. They consider themselves progressive because they are willing to challenge many of the assumptions of the past. They ignore the greater assumption—that a “place” for women must be defined and set forth to begin with. Half of the population must somehow be reduced to the role arrived at by a single conversation. No matter how broad that role is, it will be—by nature—a reduction from the infinite variety that is womanhood. I say that there is no role for women—there is, instead, a role for each woman, and she must make it for herself. For some, it will be the role of scholar; for others, it will be the role of wife. For others, it will be both. For yet others, it will be neither. Do not mistake me in assuming I value one woman’s role above another. My point is not to stratify our society—we have done that far too well already—my point is to diversify our discourse. A woman’s strength should not be in her role, whatever she chooses it to be, but in the power to choose that role. It is amazing to me that I even have to make this point, as I see it as the very foundation of our conversation."
-In the book Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson

What do we do?

Sometimes I don't know if I am really living or just waiting to die.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy and I have no intentions of dieing but it just feels as if my life is just that, to wait until my purpose is on my face or done.
The anxiety is terrible, because I don't really see my purpose, will I ever find it out? Does anyone ever do?
So we just keep living?

I deserve

I deserve more. I know everyone thinks like that, but in my case I believe it to be true, so so true.

Let me tell you something, I deserve someone who would do anything for me, because I am the kind of person that would do anything for you. I deserve someone who wouldn't care loosing sleeping time to talk to me, because I would loose all my sleep for you. I deserve someone who would rearrange their day just to be able to see me, because I would move everything on my schedule just to say hi to you. I deserve someone who would talk to me for hours because just by hearing me his day would instantly be better, because hearing him would definitely make day shine. I deserve someone who would text me before even opening his eyes in the morning because I am the first thought on his head, because he'll be the thought on my mind when I'll go to bed. I deserve someone who would make time for me, because I would make time for you. I deserve someone who would know my mood just by reading the first word, because we would know each other all too well. I deserve someone who will love me not in spite but because of who I am, even when I don't know even know it.

Weird, isn't it?

I´ve had weird days and weirdest weekends but this past Saturday was hands-down the weirdest in my lifetime.

So I had a very weird weekend that has let me thinking and analyzing my life, and now I am in a weird mood, not bad but different.

I´ve never been the one-night-stand-kind-of-girl more like romantic-caring-relationship-kind-of-girl and this weekend was weird.

Have I told you I had a weird weekend? hahaha I know you want to hear whats up, but guess what?!?!?!?!?!!?!? I started writing this post so long ago I can't recall the weird day, I have no idea what was I talking about... So here goes the reflection> It wasn't such a big deal, it was very weird to make me start writing but not weird enough to make it to my memory lane, so let's raise our glasses to random and weird moments that won't make it to our autobiography books!

Overcoming the fear of writing out loud...

I am afraid, I think I have always been afraid, afraid of ending alone...
This is probably the first time I dare say it out loud, or in this case write it out.
I am afraid of not finding someone to love that loves me back, a partner in crime, a partner for love; and understanding, caring, partner.
I want to be a couple, I want to have a plus one, I want to love and be loved.
I though that if I didn't think about it, if I didn't act like I care, if I didn't focus on it, then it wouldn't matter if I hadn't find it. But it matters, because it doesn't matter if I act like I don't care o pretend I don't think about, I still want it for me.
And that is why it is scary, the thought of wanting something that is out of your hands and it may get here late, I am afraid to say it out loud, but I do, I want somebody to love...
But there it is, I am afraid of ending alone, I don't want to end alone, I want to love somebody that loves me back, I want to have a partner, to be a couple, to have somebody that has eyes only for me, someone for me...

I don´t want to live like this... I want to live like that...

I don´t want to live like that, waiting for Friday and avoiding the Mondays...
I don´t want to have a difficult time waking up and counting the minutes till I have to go...
I don´t want to drag my feet up the stairs and have to deal with the tension pain...
I don´t want to be scared when they call my name...
I don´t want to live like this, avoiding the bridge I am crossing...
I don´t want to be scared and comfortable...
I don´t want to procrastinate more than anything...
I don´t want to dread going to work...
I don´t want to live like this, suffering throughout the path...

I want to live like that, enjoying the whole week...
I want to be singing, even when it is a sad melody...
I want to wake up so early I am still asleep but have the strength to go where I have to...
I want to laugh at nothing and smile at my own reflection...
I want to make people happy by the sole fact that I am there...
I want to live like this, knowing that I will reach my purpose...

Loving Wednesday!!

It has been months from my last loving Wednesday so it is time for me to love again!

I am linking up with Jamie from the blog This Kind of Love and here it goes...

 I'm loving the week off work we had to relax and enjoy!

I'm loving coming back to work, having a job!

I'm loving April lot´s of adventures near.

I'm loving having the energy to exercise in the morning!

I'm loving the middle of the week Wednesday!

I am going to tell you...

I am going to tell you the truth... but in my own way and at my own pace...

I am going to tell you that I kind of like you, not in the "can´t sleep, can´t eat, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love", more in the you are cute, kind of funny, ultra smart, this could work out kind of way...

I am going to tell you that it grew out of I have no idea how we met or why we are fb friends.

I am going to tell you that I am afraid of falling for someone, of letting them know how I feel, of showing my true self, of being serious about it.

I am going to tell you I almost never let go, always think thrice what I am going to say and I am afraid of just blurt it all out.

I am going to tell you that I think a hundred times a day about the small talks and shots we´ve shared.

I am going to tell you that all of my friends think there is something between us and that your cousin thinks we should be introduced.

I am going to tell you I stare at the photos we took together at my bday and that I think about posting some general on fb but I am afraid it will be an "I like you" kind of statement

I am going to tell you how I think about screaming at the seven winds that I think you are amazing and I kind of end up showing our photo to the people around me.

I am going to tell you that I am trying to figure out how to approach you and how to let you know that I like you.

I am going to tell you that I wish every day that you feel the same about me and you decide to do something before I chicken out.


I am going to tell you the truth, in my own way and at my own pace... which will probably be never... but I am going to tell you...

Time to let go...

It is that moment in my life when I have to choose between letting go or staying behind, and for that matter there really isn't a plausible option of staying behind, it is more like keeping this depressed-hostile-attitude while the world keeps going. So of course I am choosing 'letting go' because I am tired of suffering, of disappointments and all that involves dragging your past.

I am making a list of everything that I am letting go.

So here we go:
-I am letting go of the heart-breaking experience of moving out of California and leaving that kind of life and amazing friends behind.
-I am letting go of those horrible friends that kept my life miserable in Mexico.
-I am letting go of the pain my dad went through when he lost his father and letting go of the pain I went through losing a grandfather.
-I am letting go of that job at the Film Festival that didn't quite worked for me.
-I am letting go of the guy that I kind of liked that stood me up.
-I am letting go of that illusion with the Colombian guy.
-I am letting go of all the fears of failing and succeeding.
-I am letting go my dragging feet attitude.
-I am letting go of the feeling of not being good enough in every aspect that I have it.
-I am letting go of my depressed thoughts that involves "life sucks".

I am letting go of my past because "As long as you live in the past, you'll never find your future."